dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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