so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
false alarm. still invincible.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
