I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
