I wannas sexs uuuuu
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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