can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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