Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
