you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
