he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
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