i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
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