after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
