is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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