So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
