I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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