Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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