Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
