he puts the penis in happiness.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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