i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
