She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
