I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
