did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
