Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Randomize
