This is not my ceiling
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
