by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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