allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
