oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Randomize
