I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
