WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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