you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
