haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
