you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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