we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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