forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
