I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Randomize
