Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
