you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
