Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
