I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
