What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
