Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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