I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Randomize
