The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
