tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize
