I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
