Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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