I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
