his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
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