what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
