Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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