I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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