Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
