This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
