Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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