it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
He had one of those small greek statue penises
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
