Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
