please come you make the beer taste better
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
