Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
its not stalking. its research.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Randomize
