My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
